Legal Advise

Halloween is fast approaching us. Now I'm no expert, but I've enjoyed many a Halloween in my life and have given some considerable thought to the art of celebrating All Hallows Eve well.

Here is some advice:

1. Scrubs and scrubs alone is not an adequate costume.



Please show some respect for the rest of us. Boys, if you are going to be a doctor, wear scrubs if you'd like, but is it asking too much to through in a lab coat, a stethoscope, or one of those old-timey head bands with the round shiny deal?



Girls, if you want to be a nurse please consider involving a skirt and being button cute.



Don't think you can pull off button cute? Well, don't fret. Even the sub-cute girl can still be a nurse for Halloween. You'll just have to be a crazy nurse.



(As a side note, "Crazy _______," "Evil ________," "Mad ________," or Deranged _______" are all good costume ideas for the more homely of face.)

2. Joke costumes can be a hit, but like any comic device, they should be used sparingly and with great caution.



Wearing a "funny costume" to a party is like committing to retelling the same joke for three hours straight. If joke costume you must, make a joke the rest of us can live with for an evening.



Be creative. Express yourself. Have fun. But don't get too carried away, especially if you are attending a party where coworkers, esteemed peers, or women you are interested in courting are present.



3. Finally, and it bothers me that I even have to mention this, make sure you give out an appropriate trick in an appropriate way.



This is an area in Halloween where creativity is NOT encouraged. Just give out candy. And, unless you're really poor, try and steer away from those five pound bads full of awful gum and fake tootsie rolls.



But just making sure you give out something kids will want to eat isn't your only responsibility. Make sure you're not too creepy when you're giving it out.

For instance, this year I plan on being Magnum P.I. for Halloween. However, I've exercised discretion enough to know that wearing my shorty-short shorts and sporting a mustache while the neighborhood children all come to my door crosses a line.



In review, show some respect for the rest of us. Be safe. Have fun.