Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Dog Eat Law

Law school is a competitive place. Don't believe me? See for yourself:

"Subpoena this, honkey! I'll never let you join the Minority Law Caucus!"

" **gasp** You've sold out, **gasp** brother!"

Gentlemen, Gentlemen, Order!

How did this happen? To fully understand we have to go back to a basic economics and statistics.

This, in essence, is a resource battle. Law firms that read like phone books are willing to pay ridiculous first year salaries to a privileged few. At the other end of the spectrum you have the unprivileged few who will end up being Westlaw reps (if good looking) or public defenders (not good looking with body odor) and will bring in school teacher money.

In review:

If top of the class, then big firm in New York, resulting in $190,000 your first year.

If bottom of the class, then Puhlookaville public defender, resulting in $30,000 your first year.

So because there is such a variance in the rewards, winnowing devices must be implemented. The main such device is the bell curve.

The bell curve is so named for its inventor, the great Alexander Graham Bell, who was the first attorney to invent a rhyming catchphrase:

This isn't your five-year-olds birthday party. This isn't the Special Olympics. Not everyone is going to win. Someone is going to lose. Most people are going to finish in the middle. And only this jerk is going to win:

The end result? Nobody wins.

Who's subpoenaing whom now?

Thursday, September 20, 2007


If you do a google image search for "contracts" you won't find anything too great--stock photos, some forms, and a few unfunny cartoons.

That's probably a decent representation of Contract Law as a whole. It's at least good as this representation:

Now imagine that diagram turned into an 75 minute lecture. Right before lunch. About an hour after you just drank 24 oz of water.

Welcome to Contracts Country. Population: Suckers.