Monday, November 26, 2007

5 Sexiest Supreme Court Justices 2007

After hours of drinking, laughing, and heated debate in the committee room, SOLB has made our selections for the 2007 sexiest Supreme Court Justices.

#5. Anthony McLeod Kennedy

Kennedy said he was happy to swing into the 5-4 group of sexiest Justices. He describes himself as a flirt who likes to "frustrates some constitutional law scholars by often forgoing conventional methods of explaining my holdings and instead relying on vivid prose and unusual philosophy." Political conservatives have criticized him for regularly referring to European law, "but that's just how I roll," explains Kennedy. "Besides, the ladies love it when I get all European on those holdings."

#4. John Paul Stevens.

Some people think Gerald Ford was a do-nothing president, but teen girls are not likely to be among them. Stevens, the longest sitting Justice, was appoint by Ford in 1975.

"The bow-tie does seem to drive women wild," sheepishly admits Stevens. "And I like to give the ladies what they like in conservative moderation."

#3. Clarence Thomas

This bad boy of the court has faced some rough allegations. It wouldn't be fair for us to speculate, but let's just say if the crime is being sexy, the verdict is guilty as charged (8-1, with Scalia dissenting because "sexy" is never mentioned in the Constitution).

#2. Ruth Joan Bader Ginsberg

Don't dismiss her because of her demure appearance. "I'm bader than most people would think," says Justice Ginsberg. When pressed to explain the "what," "when," and "how" of her wild side, she would only reply, "Were I to rehearse here what I would say and how I would reason on such questions, I would act injudiciously".

#1. John Glover Roberts Jr.

It's no wonder how this boy wonder made Chief Justice so quickly. "He has a smile that won't quite for days," admitted George W. Bush. This former steel man and football captain also managed to graduate magna cum laud.

At 52 years young, there might be a conservative lock on the sexiest Justice for some time to come.

(Honorable Honorable Mention: David Hackett Souter, who would've beat out Kennedy if his "elfiness" was taken down a notch.)


Brian Holdaway said...

Why don't we have more of these lists? What about the 50 sexiest members of Congress, or the two sexiest radio personalities, or movie critics, or NASCAR pit crew workers, or . . .

Rip Colbert said...

I can't speak for the others, but I'm willing to bet the two sexiest radio personalities list would be intentionally left blank.

sunbean72 said...

Stop being so funny. I don't like my cheeks hurting.

SummerChild said...

Best sexiest list ever.

Two sexiest radio personalities would most definitely be Ira Glass and Doug Fabresio. Hands down.