Criminal Law

Long story short: someone tried to take out my friend Bryton last weekend. I suspect East Coast Rappers.

This is for you, B-Sam...



Neva die.

International Trademark Law

I met these bears in Canada. I don't know that J.K. Rowling has a strong case, but I think the estate of Bob Kane should give the bear on the bottom the old cease and desist...

3 Unlikely Successful Defenses:

3. "Your Honor, I was bushed..."

2. Flashing Mentos (the fresh maker).

1. Opposite Day.

5 Sexiest Supreme Court Justices 2007

After hours of drinking, laughing, and heated debate in the committee room, SOLB has made our selections for the 2007 sexiest Supreme Court Justices.

#5. Anthony McLeod Kennedy



Kennedy said he was happy to swing into the 5-4 group of sexiest Justices. He describes himself as a flirt who likes to "frustrates some constitutional law scholars by often forgoing conventional methods of explaining my holdings and instead relying on vivid prose and unusual philosophy." Political conservatives have criticized him for regularly referring to European law, "but that's just how I roll," explains Kennedy. "Besides, the ladies love it when I get all European on those holdings."

#4. John Paul Stevens.



Some people think Gerald Ford was a do-nothing president, but teen girls are not likely to be among them. Stevens, the longest sitting Justice, was appoint by Ford in 1975.

"The bow-tie does seem to drive women wild," sheepishly admits Stevens. "And I like to give the ladies what they like in conservative moderation."

#3. Clarence Thomas



This bad boy of the court has faced some rough allegations. It wouldn't be fair for us to speculate, but let's just say if the crime is being sexy, the verdict is guilty as charged (8-1, with Scalia dissenting because "sexy" is never mentioned in the Constitution).

#2. Ruth Joan Bader Ginsberg



Don't dismiss her because of her demure appearance. "I'm bader than most people would think," says Justice Ginsberg. When pressed to explain the "what," "when," and "how" of her wild side, she would only reply, "Were I to rehearse here what I would say and how I would reason on such questions, I would act injudiciously".

#1. John Glover Roberts Jr.



It's no wonder how this boy wonder made Chief Justice so quickly. "He has a smile that won't quite for days," admitted George W. Bush. This former steel man and football captain also managed to graduate magna cum laud.

At 52 years young, there might be a conservative lock on the sexiest Justice for some time to come.


(Honorable Honorable Mention: David Hackett Souter, who would've beat out Kennedy if his "elfiness" was taken down a notch.)

Liable

I finally got my hands on a copy of People. As it turns out, somehow, without explanation or rationalization, I have been left off the list of "50 Sexiest Men" again.

Come on!

Aint I rough enough? Aint I tough enough?



Next year...

Finals

The name "finals," when used to describe an end of semester test, in law school is generally misleading. Case in point: this semester I have five classes and in each of those classes 100% of my grade is my score on the "final." So the final is also the original, and the only.

The point is, I'm busy.

Maybe I'll write more after Turkey (the meat, not the country where this great poster came from).

LSAT

So you are getting ready to go to law school and have been beating yourself to death over the head with the LSAT? Don't you know this is just what LSAC wants?

Don't let them break you.

Follow my advice instead...

You could study for the LSAT two hours everyday and four hours on Saturday, or you could use some of that time to go out and find the mother-of-all-power-suits:



And maybe consider always having an American flag behind you...



Hey Dean of Admissions, just try and deny these ladies.

For the gentleman a suit just isn't going to be enough. Car dealers wear suits. You're going to have to go above and beyond. Consider the proper shock and aw value of the briefcase:



Of course the briefcase is only as impressive as the jaw line you have to go with it. Weak jaw line? Weak briefcase shock and aw:



Whether law school, a party, or at home, nobody wants that guy around. Mr. Weak Chin, why not kick it up a bit? Here is a guy any law school would accept without reservation:




Even with a 145 LSAT score, just try and tell this guy he doesn't have a place in your college...



This happy little Eskimo has seventeen different words for "Admitted!"



Finally, in all your letters, interviews, and conversations be sure to mention how incredibly noble the law is as many times as is possible. Also, mix in as many Latin phrases as a you can.

It's ok if the Latin phrases don't make sense. It's a 1,500 year old dead language. Unless your dean of admissions is Amilius Papinianus or John Adams, they won't have any idea what you're saying anyway. But to them the nobility of the law and Latin phrases go hand in hand--both things far better and above the common man, even if no one really knows how, why, or for what purpose.

Legal Advise

I recently bought a Sunbeam electric blanket. I've waited about a week before writing about it to avoid any hasty judgments. But now I'm reasonably sure that this is the best thing that's ever happened to me and I finally found me soul mate.



Before I met you, Sunbeam electric blanky, I was sad and lonely. I had nothing to live for but the sweet, sweet hope that someday someone like you might come along...



Now that I have you in my life, the world will never be the same...



Ah, blanket, how you say?... I love you.

(Results may vary. )

Classic Case--Marbury v. Madison

There are certain cases that transcend the legal community--Roe v. Wade, Arizona v. Miranda, etc. You've heard people talk about them on the political talk shoes and the Law and Order, Law and Order SVU, Law and Order DDS, etc.

But what do you really know about these cases and their impact on greater society?

Sit back and get ready to learn everything you need to know about Marbury v. Madison.

This case is so widely noted and cited because it set several precedents. It is widely discussed how this case set the paradigm for Supreme Court review of the actions of the Legislative and Exucutive branches, but this case also gave the legal world many other "firsts."

For instance, consider the role of Shauna Marbury.



In her testimony to The Court, Shaunna was the first person to ever use the phrase "My baby's Daddy" in front of a Justice. Thus a fine and proud legal tradition continues, radiating down from the Highest Court of the Land, all the way to Judge Brown.

Also, while questioning counsel for Marbury, counsel for Madison interjected, "Ah, but William Marbury is a Freemason and of low moral fiber!"




Justice Marshall, who is the great grandfather of Judge Judy, responded with another courtroom first: "Oh no you dian't! You did not just inturrupt me! Oh, please tell me you did not just interrupt me! Don't you talk when I'm talkin. When I want you to talk I will tell you to talk." (Justices Cushing and Moore descented on grounds that "dian't" wasn't a word.)

The Law of Moses

The Law is noble and serious. That's what deans and faculty like to remind you about all the time.

In that spirit, I offer something a little more serious.

For those of you whose ethos is rooted in the Judeo-Christian tradition, I hope you might find the following as interesting and insightful as I did.

With sound reason the last commandment of the ten forbids envy or coveting. All my labor to keep the others will be undone if beneath my observance I maintain a hidden longing to break them and to be like those who ignore them. There is a sense in which all temptation begins with coveting. I want what another has of what I imagine that I could have. Aloud I may call it worthless, but secretly I want it. Then my conscience reproves me. If I listen and turn my attention away and back to my true task, all will be well. But what if I permit my attention to remain fastened on the forbidden thing? Conscience continues to speak and I continue to crave. In such a condition I begin to doubt my own sincerity. I am led to wonder about the reality of my commitments. Then I wonder about the reality of other people's commitments. Are the voices right that call the religious mere hypocrites?

My hesitations increase my perplexity. No longer pressing forward toward the goal, I allow myself to rehearse over and over again the difficulties of my indecision. I may still resist complete abandonment of my quest; I do not wish to succumb to temptation. But my motive is different. No longer do I refuse temptation because my interest is directed to something else, because I am actively seeking another goal. My mind is now turned inward on itself.

I refuse now self-consciously out of a kind of pride. I refuse because I think myself "above" such a thing. Like the fox who calls the grapes he cannot reach sour, I condemn what tempts me and those whose behavior fascinates me. I find that I covet less when I assume the judgment seat. The craving is appeased not by the pleasure of satisfaction but by the pleasure of condemnation. I am not holy, I admit, but surely I am holier than they.



As I am holier, I ought to be happier. Why then are they so happy while I am not? After all, I am (or was) a pilgrim seeking the holy land while they are scoffers and sinners. Why should their lot be better than mine? They appear quite free from inner turmoil. Finally I allow my mind free rein: having forgotten to keep it fixed on my goal, I let it run headlong into a clash of envy and pride. The one fights the other, but both keep me from my task.

Confusion, resentment, and discouragement transform my mind into a heavy longing for rest. Brought to this point by the burdens of a commitment, I seek only to be rid of it. The words of the world ring in my ears: "If it feels good, do it." "Do your own thing." "Why fight it?" "You deserve everything you can get." "All these things will I give thee, if thou wilt fall down and worship me." (Matthew 4:9.) But before I lay down and turn away, another voice speaks. "Wherein have I wearied thee? testify against me." (Micah 6:3.)

The voice offers no arguments and no defense. It challenges me to speak; it tells me to present my case. As I try to formulate a complaint, the incoherent monologue of my rambling consciousness ceases. The muddled and indulgent thoughts are burned away like morning mist. The pleasure of accusation and the pride of superiority have vanished. The unrelenting envy is gone. My mind is clear.

The Holy One waits, and the silence seems to repeat his question. Then I understand that I have no answer to give. The silence speaks for me too. All the pain, indignation, and perplexity have lost their substance. It is not that I fear to speak them or that I seek to hide them. They no longer exist. My inner conflict is over, and peace remains. No matter what the words, I see now that all my cries were but for him, and he is here. There is no question beyond his question and no answer beyond his presence. (Rasmussen, 1985. The Lord's Question, p. 69-71)

Counsel

Lately I've been losing things. Been doing a lot of remodeling at the house. A lot of rearranging and cleaning. Lots of moving around, not much sleeping, and many items misplaced.

I've spent hours this past weekend and yesterday looking for lost possessions. My dogs never leave my side. Whenever I look for things they get excited and anxious because they think either (A) I'm packing and going to be leaving for an unwelcome period of time, or (B) that I'm going to flush out a mouse or some kind of pest that they can pounce upon.

Looking under couches, behind boxes, and in laundry baskets for hours. Dogs constantly under my feet staring at me. More looking. More staring. Generally no results.

I've started to get frustrated with my dogs. Aren't they supposed to be able to smell an ounce of gasoline in a burned down house? If they can find a pot leaf hidden in the spare tire in my trunk, shouldn't they be able to find a cell phone charger under Dick Francis's sweaty workout clothes?

But they don't care about finding a cell phone charger or my civil procedure syllabus... unless...

I'm considering covering every useful, valuable, or highly losable item I own in bacon grease.

Then I bet those dogs wouldn't just sit and stare.

Halloween Briefs

I don't have any box to stand on or axe to grind today; I just have a bunch of pictures I've been saving up taking space on my camera.

So today I give them to you, absent any theme or clever side story.

Sometimes your nieces carve pumpkins:



You'd prefer to have taken a picture with the nieces sitting next to their pumpkins, but you're a slacker and you have a hard time getting to your brother's house before 8:00 PM.



Also, sometimes your nieces decorate Halloween sugar cookies especially for you, but you eat them before you take a picture.

Other times you go out to eat at Gardner Village.



This room at Archibald's has a both dedicated to each of Archibald Gardiner's twelve wives. We sat in the Mary Ann booth.



"Twelve wives?!" you say, "Why that's clearly too many!" You might be right. It would be hard on the plumbing for sure. But think about it, you could make your own sexy calendar and never even covet another man's wife or lust after someone with whom you were not sanctified in the bonds of matrimony.



A fine wife. Good for house work, horse work, and a fine Ms. March...

For some reason, I'm generally attracted to really effeminate restaurants. At my first trip to Archibald's I noticed I was the only man dragging a girl along. I've had similar experiences at Food for Thought and Kneaders.



Anyway, if you don't want to sample the delicious fried green tomatoes, feel free to roam the grounds and enjoy many scrap booking stores and witch displays.



Ha! Ha! Delightful.



How droll!



Sassy Shopping Witch!



Ah, yes. Say hello to Hot Granny Witch.



Catching Witch!



Batting Witch! (She's unhappy because the catching witch just told her she had relations of an intimate nature with Batting Witch's husband.)



Pitching Witch!



Another freaking witch...



Oh, come on...



Too many witches around, too little will power.

I'll stop now, but, honestly, I have about three times as many more pictures of various witches.



Gardener village isn't the only place that likes to decorate for Halloween. Even the law school gets in the game.



These kids have such imaginations!



Where do they get their ideas?



Niche marketplaces and institutions of learning are one thing, but does the average White City resident still decorate for Halloween?



Spooktacular!



Nice try, Bonesy. You're not going anywhere!

As for me, I decorated my person for Halloween.



Higgins was so mad...